But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I am morally bankrupt
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
