Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
