Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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