I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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