highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
