Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Panties = found
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
