Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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