P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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