im about as happy as oj after his trial
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
