meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
