He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
