apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
