Non-Jews are for practice
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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