Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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