Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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