I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
