I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
