For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
