does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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