You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
