I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
