I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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