BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
