I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
