my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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