I'm so fucking centered right now
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
