please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
