How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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