i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she told me i tasted like america
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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