I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
