i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
