Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
