I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's Friday. Sex?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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