i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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