I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
