I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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