I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
