so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
