Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
