You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
