After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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