the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
