there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
