i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
