Pappa wants mamma naked
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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