Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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