I faked an abortion last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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