i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
