he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
