So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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