No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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