Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
